October 2, 2017

Days like today, stressful, become triggers for me right now because I cannot gain control. I am, or I feel, out of control and that breeds irritation. But if I am giving my control, conceding what I never really truly had in the first place, to my love, Christ… my Shepherd, then I have no need for controlling the chaos, rather, ride the wave.

Can I do this? Can I “settle for” “settling in” to God, doing one thing at a time, in syncopating rhythm with Him, not trying to fit my day into a grid? Is it really possible? That’s what the psychiatrist says is necessary. But where is the stability? Does it, can it, rest in two syllable: Jesus?… yes. In one breath and one syllable, in one word: yes.

I can rest my soul in the Holy of Holies, being in Him, in the moment, guided by Him through stability in chaos. And in this, all becomes controlled.

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