October 20, 2017: “Today has been a good day. I laughed with my students and watched as they put their creative minds on “high” and began playing with ideas. LB was cutting out words from an old book that she had, through which she had previously let me look. I had asked if I could have some of the snippets that related to my “Secret Garden,” my Holy of Holies.
I sat with LB as she cut and I worked in my sketchbook. When she finished, I asked if I could look at the book again. Flipping through the pages of an old fairytale book, my eyes landed, serendipitously, on a single sentence which began one of the tales, “It was as dark as it is in the deepest well. ” It was meant for today’s piece of art.
Depression is real. It is a deep, dark, and very lonely place. But even in the midst of my depression, I never feel alone… lonely, yes, but alone… no. As a child of God, I have His spirit in me. There is a place deep within my heart, a space that where only Christ belongs, that only Christ can fill. It is like a secret garden, blocked from others by a locked door, yet seen by others through a keyhole: Christ in me. I refer to this place as my “Holy of Holies,” in reference to innermost chamber of the Old Testament temple, the space where the Holy Spirit God himself dwelt and only the high priest was allowed to enter. This space, within me, is where I retreat when the world around me gets dark. The “High Priest” dwells there in me, always with me. This place is where I cognizantly meet Jesus, walk with Him, talk with Him, sit with Him… BE with Him. And this place has been my saving grace, especially on days when “it is as dark as it is in the deepest well.”