October 28, 2017: “Today was a gorgeous day at the Renaissance Festival! I spent the day with some of my dearest brothers, sisters, and students. I had quality time with LR on the way there, which, of course, filled my love language bucket.
But the most rewarding, soul/ spirit filled time for me was spending quality time it KP on the way back home. She is a student who I have been drawn to this year and I truly believe it is the Holy Spirit that has pulled us together. With all of my anxiety and depression issues, she, as well as several other attentive students, has witnessed and “heard” all of my mental cues that have alluded to these issues.
On the bus ride home, she sat with me. As we talked, I drew in my sketchbook, working on a spirit drawing that I began the previous day. Before I knew it, I was sharing my whole story with her, speaking truths I didn’t even know were in me:
I have to face my fears. As long as I try to control them, they have power over me. My life’s energy and time is spent working to suppress, manipulate, and maneuver these fears, flaws, and faults in order to have control over them all, striving for the easiest way to rest my mind and assure that I not be hurt.
Ironically, however, giving my life to these issues doesn’t give me control, it gives them control over me and that is the human way. And this is what the whole journey of “the great depression” (my term for the past seven months) has been about: giving up control so that I am no longer controlled and giving God control.