October 31, 2017

October 31, 2017: “Today was the last day of the “One day at a time” October art series… and my favorite of them all. The textures, colors, and light aesthetic all combine to make a good composition. But the message, the simple two words, three syllables altogether, is one of the most difficult, yet most necessary of all the October days: Letting go.”

“To get to this place, I have needed awareness, not of my fears, flaws, faults, and failures. I am well aware of them by now. It is the awareness of my feeling the need to control them. So here I stand, after the end of a seven month battle with severe depression, anxiety, and obsessive thinking, and I wonder, ‘How in all the world do I just let go of control?'”

“And in that moment of thought, Christ whispers to me, ‘This is why I have given you the vision of our Holy of Holies. Abide there. Look at me. And in that act, that moment, that breath, you are letting go.’ You see, as I face Christ, I face the face of grace… grace controls, covers, all of me: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I don’t need to fear them or live in shame because of them. Grace, the grace of Christ, His love for me, covers them, converts them. He, as my Shepherd, will not let me fail.”

“So how do I let go? I look in Christ’s eyes, at His laugh lines as He grins at me in the Love of Loves. Here I see that, although my soul fails, is flawed, and I fear abandonment, rejection, and being out of control, my Spirit is alive in Christ, perfect in Him, and covered and controlled by Him. And He is working, sanctifying me, to make my soul match what He has already done in my Spirit. It is His work; I cannot fail. So I let go, breath by breath.”

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